Friendship (Mar. 30, 2005)

Dear Zelda:

Do you agree that diamonds are a girl's best friend?


Dear Curious,

A gem of a friend trumps a diamond any day.   Jewelry is precious, but friendship is priceless.   In spite of all their facets, diamonds still can't offer you advice, lend you a hand, share a good story, or bring soup when you're sick.

They can't laugh with you, philosophize with you, reminisce with you, or tell you there's spinach caught in your teeth.   Like a dog or a teddy bear, good friends always listen.  You might keep a diamond on your finger, but you keep a friend in your heart.  Just give me a zirconia-studded collar and a zuper friend like Zoe, and I'll pass up a trip to Tiffany's any day.  I don't weigh my wealth by carats, but by caring friends.


P.S.  If I remember correctly, "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" was the theme song from the 1953 movie, Gentlemen Prefer Bulldogs... or was it "Blondes"?

Dear Zelda,

I have two close friends who have gotten together and spend most of  their time with each other. However, they continue to lie to me about things that do not really matter. I like them both but don't understand their need to be dishonest. Should I play games or should I care? Or do I need new "pals"?  How about some wisdom on friendship.

Confused but Willing

Dear Confused,

You SHOULD care, but don't  waste your time feeling confused. If they lie about things that don't matter, you can count on them lying about things that do.  If you can't trust their word, you can't count on them to be depend-a-bull or account-a-bull. No friendship is flawless, but this one sounds more thin-crust than deep-dish. Watch your back, lower your expectations and take everything they say with a grain of salt. Don't get drawn into their lying game. Instead, take yours to the next level and get out of this League of Liars. The Good Housekeeping Magazine article, "The Five Girlfriends Every Woman Needs" (an excerpt from Karen Neuburger's book, The Secret Language of Girlfriends), would be a relevant read. Think about what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Between whom there is hearty truth, there is love." You deserve authentic, loving friends, not liars.  Remember, your best pal is in your mirror.


Dear Zelda

Once a year I invite my closest friends over for a "Soup 'n Slides" party.  This year one of my friends asked if she could bring Hank (her unruly Husky pup), because he suffers from separation anxiety.  I've seen Hank chewing on furniture in other people's homes and don't want him ruining mine. I'm also concerned for my 2-yr. old daughter and our cat. How do I handle this?

Predicting a Problem

Dear Predicting,

This is a case of not "whom" you're inviting, but "what" you're inviting... you might be opening up a kettle of chaos.  The good news is that your friend "asked" if she could bring her dog.  It is totally unaccept-a-bull to show up at anyone's home with your dog, especially when your dog is a puppy, without asking first.  Puppies weren't born to be mild.  Hank could leave his calling card, be too rough with your daughter, chase your cat, and generally wreak havoc.  Just so Hank doesn't steal the show, suggest to your friend that she bring a portable kennel (e.g., collapsible wire crate) to keep him from being a one-dog demolition crew.  Entertaining just got easier. Your friend will find a bowl-full of info about separation anxiety in the book, Dogs: An Owner's Guide, by Helen Stillwell. Stop simmering over this, give her a quick stir. Be frank with your friend about Hank. Take stock: A party animal turned pooper could leave you 'tutu pooped to pirouette.'