Self Promotion( 5/25/05 )

Dear Zelda,

How would an old (40 something) divorced mother of three find happiness in her life? How can I "sell" myself to someone and make them understand how fun and loving and considerate I am?

Divorced Mom

Dear Divorced Mom,

Wow! What I'd give to be 40 again. In people years I'm 63. So, my first advice is that you are as young as you feel. Forty is the new thirty so look in your mirror and say "I am thirty."

My next suggestion is that in order to "sell" yourself to someone you have to find them in the first place. Of course I recommend that you get a dog. We make great "date bait." When you walk your dog you not only get exercise, but you have an excuse to meet people..."oh excuse me, my dog didn't mean to drool on your Gucci loafers."

Another place to meet men... Starbucks or your local coffee house. As opposed to meeting a guy in a bar, at a coffee house they should be sober. Be sure to smile and be personable. You will be magnetic and it will reflect your goodness.

Finding a man is like fishing, the more you cast the more you catch. So, take up fishing or, if fishing isn't your thing, join a health club. Even if you don't find a great guy there, you'll be in better shape. I still remember the studly Siberian husky I met wearing my red hot sports bra. He remembers me too.

My last bit of advice is that you give a matchmaking service a try. Don't be shy about describing yourself as "fun and loving and considerate." Go ahead and say you are looking for Mr. Right and what that means to you. Incidentally, you should see the hunk my owner Carol brought home after posting her profile on www.match.com! Worked for her.

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

I am a supervisor, young, upcoming in my career, and work in the hospitality industry. My question is "How do I keep another overbearing co-worker (who has NO authority) out of my way when I am trying to run things calmly? She is ALWAYS in everyone else's business and conversations, demeaning and loud when she has confrontations with other co-workers. I think it's the military in her. Everyone is always glad when she has the day off. Don't get me wrong - she has a lot of job knowledge and respects me - just not my position. Help, Zelda!!!!!


Not So Bossy About Being the Boss

Dear Not So Bossy,

Think hospitality! It's your field. How you deal with your co-worker is going to need a lot of finesse. Treat her like you would treat an unruly guest. First, be polite and explain your concerns.

THEN...assuming that doesn't work, meet "the military in her" with the military in you. Bark your orders. Get in her face and lay down the law. Be sure to tell her that her nosiness, hostility and pushiness are squelching morale and giving everyone "bossed-to-the-brink" syndrome. You can be firm and direct with her without giving up your calm demeanor. If this doesn't get an "about face," present your complaints in writing to your boss and request a tribunal where you and those offended could fire charges at her. Better to be blunt than bitter. Take it from Drill Sergeant Zelda, be tough when necessary and tender when needed.

Zelda

Dear Zelda,

I am a 3-year-old female bulldog who lives in New Zealand . I love children and I am very gentle with them, but lots of children's parents think we bullies are vicious, and they grab their children when they see me walking along (ALWAYS on a lead!) with my Mum. What can I do to stop people not understanding how lovely we bullies are, and that if I show all my bottom teeth while I am out walking, I am actually SMILING? I love to be out and meeting people.

Snubbull

Dear Snubbull,

You can't blame some people for thinking we bulldogs are hell on wheels. Think about it. Our breed was developed many centuries ago to fight bulls, critters that are much bigger than most humans. Thank goodness the English sport of bull-baiting was made illegal in 1835. Since then bulldogs have been bred to be the loving companions that you and I are.

But with dogs and humans alike, sometimes there's just a bad apple in the bunch. If I were a parent, I'd be wary too until the dog's owner assured me the dog was safe around children.

Your Mum can call out to approaching people that you're friendly, but here's an idea that will save her voice (and make you the most fashionable pup in New Zealand ). Ask her to make you a coat or vest. Have her sew colorful big letters on it that spell, "I'm friendly", or "I'm pet-a-bull", maybe "Happy, not snappy", or "Just buff, not rough". You'll be a walking billboard for lov-a-bull bullies!

Zelda