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Dear Zelda, Recently I moved in with my boyfriend. We dated for a year and decided to try living together. While he is a wonderful man who is honest, intelligent and kind (he doesn’t even mind my four dogs and a parrot), I don’t have that WOW THIS IS PRINCE CHARMING feeling for him. I’ve always dreamed of a fairy-tale romance. Zelda is there such a thing, or should I just sit back and settle for a safe relationship? Probably a Princess Dear Probably, Most of us grow up reading fairy tales…. even us bulldogs. (Ours involve more tug-of-war though.) The problem is that some of us girls identify so strongly with the princesses in those stories that we spend our lives looking for the perfect Prince Charming to whisk us away and treat us accordingly. Of course it’s important to follow your heart when it comes to love… in fact it’s the only thing worth listening to… but the question is, when you’re comparing your wonderful man to some hypothetical cartoon image in your head, is it really your heart that you’re listening to? After years of close inspection I’ve yet to meet either the “perfect fairy-tale Princess” or the “perfect Prince Charming,” but I’ve sure seen a lot of wanna-be-perfect royals out there looking for and not finding each other. Remember the comment made by that nasty Queen in Snow White, “Mirror, mirror on the wall.” She should have told herself, “No one’s perfect after all.” To get to the heart of the matter, I believe you’re asking me the wrong question: “do I settle for safety, or take a chance on a someday prince?” The problem with playing this kind of probability game is that it will never leave you satisfied if you choose to “settle,” and you will be haunted by whether you made the right choice if you choose to “roll the dice.” The decision you have to face is both simpler and harder, and you have two questions to answer: Do I love this person? And do I think I really know what that love might feel like, and how I might distinguish it from desire, avarice, perfectionism, or pride? I suggest you take stock: not only is your boyfriend honest, intelligent and kind, but honey, he even welcomed your livestock. I’ve got news for you: this guy may be your fairy tale! Maybe not the one you envisioned, but when you get to my age you realize that true love takes a lot of forms, and fairy tales are wonderful fantasy but not, by themselves, anything you can build a life around. Give me an honest, intelligent, funny and caring FROG any day, and I’m bound to fall in love. The question is… are you? Zelda Dear Zelda, I have trouble with dog-lovers and other strangers who I meet on my walks. I am an attractive, rather buff, brindle bulldog. However, I am a submissive, conservative guy and all of the women try to touch me or grope me in the wrong places. I have a friendly face but I feel as if I should wear a bag over my head like the “unknown comic” of the 60s. How can I discourage people from petting me? Help Zelda—what am I to do? Stud Muffin Dear Stud Muffin, First, are you bragging or complaining? Probably both. Your problem appears to stem from your intrinsic animal magnetism. Being buff and beautiful is a problem many would love to have. We often hear celebrities complain of being overwhelmed by fans or paparazzi. George Clooney (pant, pant), where are you? Face it, you’re cute and irrist-a-bull with the je ne sais quoi that people just can’t resist. But if all the heavy petting is really getting to you, my suggestion is that you let your owner act as your bodyguard. I speak from some experience. Following my first appearance on Good Morning America, I was mobbed by people at the airport. My owner politely told them that I was “in training,” (I’m always in training), and to respect my space. It’s up to your owner to deter unwanted attention from the “pup-parazzi.” Saying that I am “in training” keeps most people at bay, or at least subdued. Petting is ok, but heavy petting is off-limits, especially for a shy dog like you. Another way to deter potential petters-to-be before they actually reach out and touch you is to have your owner make you a big collar with the obvious words “FLEA COLLAR” in bright letters. Stroll down the street sporting that hot new accessory and I guarantee it will be a quiet day in your neighborhood. It’s flattering to be noticed for your good looks, and it sounds like you have plenty of them to go around. So follow my suggestions, then wag your tail and waddle on. By the way, what are you doing next Saturday? Zelda Share this column with a friend! |
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